Poor start of the new season by Manchester United concerns
players, experts and, of course MU fans from around the world. Below is
the example of such concerns by a supporter of the ‘Red Devils’ from
Nigeria (unedited). I’m sitting down here and watching the nigger I just handed N5,000
walk away, a fruity-arse smile on his black-as-Satan’s-heart Yoruba face
and a spring in his hell-bound step. Why I gave him the money, you
might ask. Well, I was stupid enough to bet that my beloved Manchester
United will beat the Lucifer-worshipping, heathen Manchester City team
on Sunday. I watched absolutely gob-smacked, trying to hold in the
diarrhea that was threatening to erupt from the depths of my tortured
soul as those closet Nazis ran rings round our lethargic team and
thrashed the piss out of us on that Black Sunday. And you Sir, you are
completely at fault!
We have played 5 league games this season. Congratulations on the 7
points accumulated so far – abysmal by our standards, but you are coming
from Everton, so we’ll let it slide – for now. It must be said that
expectations for your initial weeks were quite low. Being with the
fixture list and all (which you keep whining about); you have done a
fair job. That’s one way to look at it.
Another way of looking at this bullshit is your often perplexing team
selections. Please explain to this honoured assembly why you insist on
playing that God-forsaken, knock-kneed modafoka Ashley Young? That idiot
has not made a decent cross since James Ibori was stealing the shit out
of Delta State. The last time he actually dribbled anyone was before
the coming of Christ! That dark-skinned nigga is only suited for holding
Van Persie’s kit during games, for Christ’s sakes! Drop that fool and
give Adnan Januzaj a run of games! That boy is a breath of fresh air and
looks like a far better player than that idiot Young. What is Antonio
Valencia doing on that right wing? Nigger’s so one-legged, even Khalid
Boulahrouz can mark him out of a game in his sleep. Turn that nigga into
a right back and get a decent winger to run riot there and feed RVP and
Rooney for the love of Alomo Bitters!
Ehen, why are you even playing Chris Smalling? Yes, his grass to
grace story is inspiring, but isn’t it obvious to you that the guy plays
with half a brain? – The other half of that brain is with Phil Jones.
The damn boy can’t cross for shit. He can’t tackle to save his life, and
his marking is jerkier than a two year old playing FIFA 2014! Then
there is Evra. Look, Jesus Navas used him for training. I know you have a
thing against players with tattoos, but Buttner has actually played
well for Manchester United. Fabio as well, or is it Rafael. Play these
boys.
You might not know a lot about Nigeria, although you managed Joseph
Yobo and that fat-arse Yakubu Aiyegbeni. You might want to call them and
ask what jazz means, because I swear to God I will jazz the shit out of
you and your family if you play that imbecilic Danny Welbeck one more
time. I don’t know if you have a dark-skin quota to fill in the team so
you put Young, Welbeck and Valencia but you need to stop fielding that
mandingo-looking nigga and start putting Chicharito or Kagawa instead!
Welbeck is easily the worst player in that team and everyone unanimously
agrees on that score except your good self!
Mr. Moyes, I don’t dodge my girlfriend and pay N100 to watch United
games in Wasiu’s viewing center down the road every weekend to be
watching the kind of rubbish you are presiding over. You need to sort
this shit out, and fast. We were tolerant of Baba because he won us a
raft of titles in his days. That privilege hasn’t been extended to you
yet.
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